Picture This:  Your friend calls up and you go over to see him/her. As you are walking up to the front door you see a welcome mat in front of the door. You've been looking for a door mat for your house and this mat in front of your friend's house is absolutely stunning. You think about just grabbing the mat and leaving. Your friend greets you at the threshold of the door and invites you in. As you are leaving it's late and dark. You go home and remember the next day the door mat was perfect. You wish you could have it, but alas your friend said it was the last one the store had. You call up your friend to see if you can buy it from them, but your friends house burnt last night after you left. He/She was ok, but the house is gone. You missed your chance. In the end you ended up walking over it.

It starts with
One thing, I don’t know why
It doesn’t even mather how hard you try
Keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme
To explain due time
All I know
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down ’till the end of the day
Clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
You didn’t look out below,
Watch the time go right out the window
Tryn’ to hold on
Didn’t even know, I wasted it all
Just to watch you go
I kept everything inside
And even though I tried
It all fell apart
What it’s meant to be
Will, eventually be,
A memory of a time,
When I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter...
I had to fall, to loose it all...
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter...

One thing, I don’t know why
It doesn’t even mather how hard you try
Keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme
To remind myself
How I tried so hard...
Dispite the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so far
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end...

You kept everything inside
And even though I tried it all fell apart
What it meant to be, will
Eventually, be a memory of a time
When I tried so hard,
And got so far,
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter
I had to fall, to loose it all
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter

I’ve put my trust in you
Pushed as far, as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know

I’ve put my trust, in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know...
I tried so hard,
And got so far,
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter
I had to fall, to loose it all,
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter
***
that's how i feel!!!!!!!!!

so i went swimming yesterday with raeann, brie, anna, adam, and c-dawg --and had a great time, but i definately got a bit too much sun. even my scalp is a bit more colorful than it should be. oh, well. that's one small step of pain; one giant leap towards a tan... [i'm a tool] it was still fun, nonethe less. stephanie met up with us after work and we went to brie's for dinner to decide the next activity of the night, which turned out to be a movie in the tahoe: monster-in-law. which was pretty good considering it was jlow and her sweet sweet ass. after coming how to a relatively short evening, ok so it was 11:30, i decided the night sky was too beautiful to let me just go to bed. i lied on my roof as i often do and decided that in the past year indy has gotten a lot brighter and is drownding out the starts. so i say, screw indy! i want to knock out the power grid for one night! :-P it's weird because on my roof time just stops and goes backwards. all of these memories of my childhood come to me and then i start getting philosophical. i can understand the ancient greeks and romans and how they must have felt when they gazed heavenly. nothing between me and god's artwork of the night. i leaves me in awe to just look at the stars hanging there as they have for thousands of years-unchanging. this is the same thing that everyone who has walked the earth sees at night. that's just cool. i thought of how fast my life has gone, yes almost 20 years..., and i wonder where my life will lead me. i thought of a poem that i'm sure we all got back in the day in an email foward about "time is short/the music won't last" i love that poem, despite it being an annoying email foward. let me google it for you:
**********
Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.
**********

My favorite Let It Out section entries form last year that are strung above my desk:

"Have you ever noticed that the people who complain loudest about immigrants not learning to speak English fast enough are the Americans who were born here, yet still can't speak proper English themselves?"

"There is no such thing as a smart Democrat. The two terms are mutually exclusive."

"Why is violence more accepted than sex by our society? Sex is a lot more fun."

"Give someone a piece of your heart, not a piece of your mind."

"Why do we have to be conservative or liberal, Republican or Democrat? I think we'd get along better if we were all trying to be Americans."

"Something you need most might be something you turn away from, something you turn away from might be something you regret, and something you regret, in the end, might cost you the one chance you had."

"Love is like playing a piano. First you must learn to play by the rules, then you must forget the rules and play from your heart."

"Look for the positive qualities in every person you meet, and help them see these characteristics as strenghts that they possess."

"Although we do not choose the ways we aer hurt, it's up to us to choose the ways we will heal."

"The world is like a mirror. If you face it smiling, it'll smile right back."

"We don't change God's word; God's word changes us."

"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her."

"Tell me and I'll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I'll understand."

"God will straighten it all out when he is ready."

"Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?"

"You're living proof that some nice guys finish first."

"Everbody stumbles now and then. The key to success is to pick yourself up and start over again."

"When the aliens come, they'll eat the fat ones first."

"Has anyone just stopped and looked at the changing leaves lately? They are so pretty!"

"Some people love drama!"

"Trust the past to God's mercy, the present to God's love and the future to God's providence"

"There are only two things you can really depend on: One is the changeableness of life, and the other is the unchanging self within you."

"Ask the Lord to give you strength to get through every day."

"Gggrrrrrrr! Tha's all I get out of Let It Out. Where are the happy people?"

"My heart is alive from the wonderful woman I have met. I underestimated her charm and wit.

"I love my college!"

"If a lie is told often enough and loud enough, it is still just a lie."

"People who start the day on their knees generally go through it on their toes!"

"Your perception isn't necessarialy my reality."

"Those who follow the crowd are quickly lost in it."

"Living ever day like it's your last is an absurd concept. Think of all the deposits that you would have paid to the funeral directors!"

"Physical courage is commonplace; moral courage is rare."

"Organized people are just too lazy to look for things."

"Wisdom does not come witha ge. It comes form learning, and if you don't keep learning something new, they you are a dumb old geezer!"

"Five rules to be happy:
1. Free you heart form hatred.
2. Free your mind from worrries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less."

"The current tax situation where the rich are taxed at a higher rate than the poor is socialism. If we live in the land of the free where all are created equil, then why not a flat-tax system?"